Family Love and Relationships My Life After 30 Self


Your partner comes first.  Do not let anyone think that they are more important than your partner or take precedence over your partner.

IMG_4950I found that many of my marriage issues were based on outsiders trying to infiltrate our relationship.  Most of the disagreements between my husband and me were rarely circled around issues we had with each other.  Our issues were mostly caused by a negative outside influence.  That is why it’s important to set boundaries in your relationship and learn to keep your relationship problems within the home.  Below are 5 ways to secure your relationship from outside invaders.

SET BOUNDARIES.  Exes have no place in your relationship.  If you have children with an ex, it’s important to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex for the sake of the children.  But there should be boundaries set to prevent an ex from interfering with your relationship or even using the children as tools to interfere with your relationship.  While you and your ex may have a strong history, keep in mind that it is just that, HISTORY!  You should not allow anyone from your past to negatively affect the relationship you are presently trying to build.

HAVE MUTUAL RESPECT.  You and your partner should have mutual respect for each other.  You should respect each other’s time, friends, family and interests. A poor relationship with your partner’s family and friends can greatly affect your relationship.  At the end of the day, that’s their family.  They were there before you and they will be there after you. I don’t believe you must have the best relationship with your partner’s family, but you do need to respect the fact that these are people your partner loves no matter how you feel about them.

Regardless of how toxic their friends or family appear, that’s their family and friends.  Your partner has grown to adopt to that environment.  Respect your partner’s love for things you may not always be able to comprehend.

KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES PRIVATE.  When I was going through a difficult period in my marriage, I wanted so badly to write the longest Facebook post airing out my disappointment and anger towards some of the negative things that were taking place.  People were using there voice to bash me and disrespect me and I never shared my side of the story out respect for my husband and our marriage.  I’m not perfect and there have been times when I posted things I shouldn’t have, but as our marriage evolved, I realize how important it is to keep our issues private.  Your relationship is between you and your partner.

Stop pulling  people into your relationship when times get tough.  You will be able to work things out with your partner or forgive your partner when others won’t, so don’t put your partner in the position where you compromise how people you care about view them.

Don’t share too much about your relationship with outsiders and when you have a conflict with your partner, don’t bash them to others.  After you two work things out and move forward, you may leave a bad impression about your partner to others and that is unfair and hurtful to your partner and your relationship as a whole.

PUT EACH OTHER FIRST.  There’s no competition!  Your partner comes first.  Do not let anyone think that they are more important than your partner or take precedence over your partner.  You decided to build a life with someone.  No one should come before the future you are building.  Children have specific needs and in many cases, those needs take priority.  But remember that children grow-up and start their own families.  Be sure to invest in your marriage and put your partner first.  Doing that teaches children to value marriage and commitment.  It also teaches them the importance of putting their spouse first.  Don’t let anyone including your children or your parents believe that they are above your spouse.

DEFEND EACH OTHER.  I’ve made it a rule in my own marriage that no matter how anyone feels about my husband, you cannot disrespect him or speak badly about him to me because I will shut it down immediately!  I made it clear from the beginning that I love him, he is my husband, he isn’t going anywhere and no matter how anyone feels, if they truly love me, and want to see me happy, they will respect the person I chose to be with for eternity.

You and your spouse are a team!  You are one.  You should check your partner when they are wrong, but you also need to stand up for them when outsiders try to bring them down.  Your parents, your children, your ex, your cousins, your brothers, your sisters, your co-workers, your friends should NEVER EVER be allowed to speak negatively about your partner.  People have a right to their opinion, but you also have a right to not entertain anyone’s opinion.  If you let outsiders disrespect your spouse, you might as well get a divorce or separate because you don’t deserve to be in a relationship.

Understand that you are in a partnership, you are part of a team and you should always defend your team-mate. That helps boost your team’s morale!  I know that if I’m with someone who isn’t capable of defending me, how can I feel secure in that relationship?  I will lose respect for that person and ultimately our relationship will come to an end.

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