Growing up, I watched my mother carry the weight of trauma and heartbreak in silence. She was the breadwinner, loudly expressing her pain about my father never showing up financially or emotionally the way a man should. Yet, when it came to my own relationships, she forced me to be quiet.
Whenever the men I was with caused chaos, she told me to give them peace. “Be quiet. Don’t bother him. Let them be. Don’t complain.” Meanwhile, I watched her—after 50 years—cry, fight, and voice the injustices she endured in her own relationship with my father.
This contradiction confused me deeply. Did I want to stay with men who cheated or didn’t provide? My mother’s example taught me how to tolerate dysfunction and accept the bare minimum. Even when I deserved more, she’d say, “At least he does that for you; no one ever did that for me.” She conditioned me to live without expectations and to diminish my own worth.
In many ways, I was made to feel that because the men I dated were attractive by society’s standards, I should feel lucky—knowing another woman could easily take my place. Even when these men were toxic with ugly souls. Despite my own confidence, my mother projected her lack of confidence and self-worth onto me, making me feel like the men I chose appeared to be good in public, so I should be appreciative no matter how badly they treated me in private.
Family conditioning profoundly influences how we view ourselves and what we accept in relationships. When we inherit stories of survival through sacrifice, it can trap us in cycles of tolerating less than we deserve.
Recognizing these inherited beliefs is the first step toward reclaiming your worth, setting boundaries, and demanding healthy love. Healing means rewriting the scripts we received as children. You deserve to expect more, to honor your worth, and to build relationships that nurture your soul—not ones that reflect old patterns of pain and compromise.
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