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Many of us take the provider/supporter position in life. We find ourselves beaten and broken after building, restructuring, and supporting those that are most important in our lives.  What a great feeling it is to know that you can support someone through their time of need. The problem is it’s such a draining task at times that in the process of helping others, you’re hurting yourself.  Once you’ve reached your own low point, you soon realize that there is no one on this earth who can support you the way you’ve supported others.

“Me first” seems like such a selfish statement, but it should sometimes be a priority to live by these words. We want the best for our children, our spouse, our parents, and other family members that we take what we need or have from ourselves to give to everyone else. This willingness is a selfless act of kindness, but it often never comes with gratitude from the receiving end. We don’t do things for acknowledgement, but it’s a comfort to receive. We don’t do things for thanksgiving, but it is still a comfort to receive. We don’t do things for return; however, still, it is a comfort to receive. At the end of the day, you find yourself standing in an empty room with tears in your eyes from feeling unappreciated, and depleted. Your internal gas tank is empty, but there is no one on earth whom can filler up. That’s when you turn to God or to a place of peace and understanding.

We want to be everything for everyone, but we have to learn to be something for our self. We need our sanity and joy to continue supporting those we love. Life has taught me that sometimes I have to put me before them.  Life is about sacrifice, and I have sacrificed a lot to be where I am today. I sacrificed a lot to be who I am today, and I can’t be myself if I have to be there for everyone else. I decided to book a vacation, even when deadlines at work are approaching; I decided to treat myself to a manicure, even when my daughter wants a new pair of shoes; I decided to order out, even when my boyfriend wants a home cooked meal. If I live with my sacrifices, those on the receiving end will learn to live with me rewarding myself. Knowing that I have no one to turn to in my time of need, makes me realize that I have to be strong for myself. I can’t be the person to pick everyone up, while knocking myself down. In order to stay up, I have to keep up with me. I am the most important person in my life; my children will reap the benefits of my self-love, and self-awareness. When the moment of self-sacrifice arrives, I will weigh out the pros and cons and decide from there. Until that time, this is the moment I treat myself to the luxuries of life I’ve worked so hard to obtain. It’s my time now. Leave a message at the sound of the tone and I’ll get back to you at my earliest convenience.

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