When you’re young, you may find controlling and jealous behavior appealing in a relationship, mistaking it for affection. You begin to think to yourself, “This person must really care about me.” But as you get older, you develop a deeper understanding of what a healthy relationship should look and feel like. You learn to recognize the difference between genuine affection and unhealthy attachment, and you begin to reject relationships that no longer align with your values and emotional well-being.
Love isn’t control. Someone who constantly monitors your whereabouts, questions who you talk to, demands access to your phone or social media, becomes jealous or possessive, dictates what you wear, tries to control your finances, isolates you from friends and family, makes decisions for you, dismisses your opinions, uses guilt or intimidation to get their way, constantly criticizes you, disregards your boundaries, expects you to seek permission before making decisions, uses silent treatment as punishment, accuses you of cheating without evidence, makes you feel responsible for their emotions, and makes you afraid to disagree with them is dangerous.
There are a lot of wounded people who project their unhealthy ideas of love onto others from a place of brokenness and woundedness. These are people who create environments that can be spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes physically dangerous to exist in.
Once you start doing the inner work, you will begin to crave a type of love that truly feeds your soul and transforms your life in beautiful ways. You will begin to attract love that’s built on mutual respect, trust, honesty, communication, emotional safety, consistency, patience, affection, accountability, understanding, support, loyalty, healthy boundaries, independence, compromise, kindness, consideration, mutual effort, freedom to express yourself, respect for differences, emotional availability, and the ability to disagree without fear, manipulation, intimidation, or punishment. Healthy love doesn’t diminish you. It gives you room to grow. Healthy love allows you to let go of control while providing the emotional safety your nervous system and mind need to experience genuine love, peace, and happiness.
