THE DOUBLE STANDARD

Disclaimer: The stories and experiences shared are based on my personal life, intuitive insights, and spiritual interpretations. While I believe in the truth of my experiences, all statements should be considered alleged. The content is intended for reflection, awareness, and discussion purposes only and should not be taken as verified fact.

Embracing self love and recognizing my self worth has been a lifelong journey. I have dealt with emotional and psychological abuse since childhood, and now, as an adult doing my shadow work, a lot of regressed trauma is resurfacing to support my healing. I used to call him my first love, but I now see him as my first lesson. My first significant romantic connection mirrored past childhood trauma, an arrogant earth sign who constantly made it clear that he could do better, and that his mother did not think I was attractive enough for him.

I was in my early twenties, having given birth just months earlier. We were at the Westchester County Fair in Upstate New York, enjoying a joyful moment. Right before the ride lifted off, he poked me in the stomach, weeks after having our child via C section, and asked when I was going to lose my stomach. Even though the ride took us high into the sky, my spirit, happiness, and joy remained on the ground. If his mission was to destroy my self worth, mission complete.

It took years to regain my confidence. I believed every lie he told me about myself, my body, and my value. This is the man I created a child with, ensuring I did not love myself so that I might project that lack of self love and insecurity onto our daughter, a daughter he ultimately left me to raise alone.

It took me more than 20 years to realize that he did not hold himself to the same standards he expected from me. He once told me, “I love p*ssy too much to be with one woman.” Looking back, I now see a pattern of compulsive sexual behavior and a tendency to view women as sources of validation rather than as whole human beings with thoughts, feelings, and emotional needs.

I also believe he carried deep emotional wounds and had unhealthy boundaries that may have developed early in life. His sense of worth seemed to come from the number of women he attracted and their physical appearance, rather than from the quality of their character or their capacity for kindness, love, and genuine connection.

While he set impossibly high standards for me, he held virtually none for himself. In hindsight, many of the women he cheated with did not possess the qualities he demanded from me. That realization forced me to see the double standard for what it was. The expectations he placed on me were never truly about values or principles. They were expectations that he was unwilling or unable to uphold in his own life.

Through all the lies, deception, and trauma, I have learned so many years later that my value has never depended on anyone else’s approval. Insecure people may try to impose impossible standards, but embracing self love and honoring my own worth has allowed me to reclaim my confidence, my joy, and my life. I am no longer defined by someone else’s insecurities, I am defined by my own strength, resilience, and the love I give myself.